Write a commentI am always glad to hear from readers of this column with suggestions as to who I should write about next. I particularly appreciate the feedback of people like Marg Falise, who wrote me to say that , "other than the obits, it's great to look forward to such uplifting and nostalgic columns." I also heard from J. B. Kelly Jr., who suggested , among others, that I write about my late wife, Charlotte.
I had to give that a lot of thought. Obviously, it is hard for me to be objective in writing about her, but I thought, why not at least try? And with the 14th anniversary of her passing weighing heavily on my mind and spirits, I thought it might be a good exercise to share some stories about her, and her indomitable spirit, as we approach the holiday season.
Charlotte was a very determined, passionate person, who wore her heart on her sleeve. She is known for her magical smile, and it was magical. She was not always smiling, however. In private, she could be a tough taskmistress at times, and you always knew where she stood. We could be engaged in a fierce discussion about something, and the decibel levels of the conversation could be escalating, and the phone would ring, and she would say, cheerily, hello? And all the rancor would instantly melt. Sometimes I was happy for those interruptions.
I think the reason for her intensity was that somehow, she knew her time was limited, and she wanted to get as much done as possible. I remember her breaking down crying at the funeral of her good friend Rosalie Garno, who died way too young as well, and saying to me, I fear the same thing will happen to me. Sadly, a few years later, it did. The thing about Charlotte's illness though , was that it was transformational.
Most people would have pulled the covers up over their head and stayed in bed when they got the diagnosis the doctors gave her in October of 1997. But not Charlotte. We had flown to Boston for a third biopsy, since the first two were inconclusive, and she was growing weaker and sicker each day. Finally, we got the news, on October 21st, 1997, our 25th wedding anniversary. I will never forget being in a Supermarket in Boston, when I got the call to come back to the hospital. They had reached a diagnosis. At that very moment, the sound of Andy Williams singing the "Theme from Love story" came over the sound system, and my heart began to sink as I listened to the words:
"Where do I begin
To tell the story
Of how grateful love can be
The sweet love story
That is older than the sea
That sings the truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start"
I hurried over to the hospital with my heart sinking in my chest just before we were given the verdict by the doctors. I stopped in the hospital chapel to pray before going up on the elevator to face the real music. The doctors told us that her illness was fatal, and that they could engage in "palliative" care, but that there was no cure, and it would be a matter of months. (It turned out to be 25 months). I don't think my heart has ever been as low before or after that day. They had put a shunt in her liver, and injected chemo into the tumor to necrotize it, and she was beginning to feel some relief. She was stoic about it, and just wanted to get out of the hospital and get home. I set up a conference call with the girls, and they all made the trek to Boston before she was discharged. It was a tough time. But then, she started getting better. She felt better. She looked better. You could hardly tell she had contracted a fatal disease, and she refused to be beaten by it. She was the strongest one of all of us in facing the future, and she decided to hold her head high, and to cherish every moment of life that the good Lord deigned to give her.
At a Celebration of Life organized by her friends, on December 8, 1997, 700 people showed up at Hewitt Union to cheer on her recovery, and pay tribute to her passion for life. As she spoke to the assembled crowd, she said, " I want to share with you that I couldn't be here tonight if it were not for all of your prayers. and all of your encouragement, and all of your love. I am such a blessed person that I have this kind of friendship. You know, in the movie, "It's a Wonderful life", when Jimmy Stewart was at his wits end when the angel came down, and then when everybody came down and supported him, and the angel left him his Tom Sawyer book with the inscription in it being, "You're never a failure if you have a friend. Well I feel I am a smashing success tonight because I have all of you. Thank you so much for being my friend". You can actually see the video on Youtube at : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rk8YaAh--m4.
That is the Charlotte I knew and loved, and the Charlotte the community came to appreciate and cherish. It is was her cheer and determination, in the face of insurmountable odds that inspired us all . That is her lasting gift to all of us. Never give up hope, and never stop believing in the goodness of others. That's not a bad holiday message for us all, come to think about it.
You can contact me at Jtsullivanjr@gmail.com.
