Write a commentEveryone has their limits.
A few weeks back, I was doom scrolling on Instagram, hoping to find something to give me even an iota of dopamine. Just a small little something to convince me things aren't nearly as bad as my depression would lead me to believe. It didn't come in the form I exactly expected.
The clip was of a pregnant woman at the doorstep of a man. The man asks what she's doing there. She laughs, rubs her belly and explains the obvious. "I'm pregnant", she says, smiling. The next shot is of the man, pulling out a gun and shooting. Then it cuts to black.
The shock I experienced came out as a short, loud laugh. This type of hyperdramatic melodrama couldn't be real. It has to be parody. Right?
Wrong.
After some cursory research, I found the name of the film and discovered it was streaming for free on Tubi. It's called Kayla. It's just under 80 minutes. I checked my watch relieved to realize I had enough time to watch it before I went to work.
Tubi seems to have lower standards than most streaming services as far as what they allow on their app. They have all manners of film, but there is a vast subsection of movies that seem to be incredibly low budget that weren't backed by any kind of studio. In other words, there seem to be little to no guidelines. Think of it like someone self-publishing a book. Anyone can do it.
Kayla is grossly inept at every turn. Despite the miniscule runtime, it feels like it takes forever to do what it sets out to. Kayla is a vindictive "homewrecker" and does everything she can to ruin the lives of those around her. The plot seems like it would make for an entertaining watch. Very unfortunately, this is not true.
The scene with the guy seemingly shooting the pregnant lady (who is the titular Kayla for the record) happens at the end and it cuts to credits. That's the actual end of the movie. No resolution. Just a black screen.
In a way, Kayla reminds me of when the relative of a friend of mine begged me to read their self-published "novel". It was riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes. It was poorly formatted, but at least the plot was somewhat interesting. Sort of Twilight-lite, but not terrible. The "novel" builds up to what should be the conclusion. I flipped to the final page."COMING SOON: THE SEQUEL!"
Spoiler alert: she never wrote the sequel.
I can only pray there is a Kayla 2: Kayla Harder or something.
The Housemaid is almost the exact opposite of a movie like Kayla while vaguely being in the same genre. For all intents and purposes, Paul Feig's The Housemaid wants to be a big budget "erotic thriller", but fails at several turns. At its core, this seems like a vulgarized version of a Lifetime movie.
The Housemaid follows Millie (Sweeney) as she interviews for a job with Nina (Seyfried). Millie is down on her luck, living out of her car and doing her best to stay on track after being released from prison. Nina needs help and explains that Millie can live at the house while doing the job. It sounds like something that could solve a lot of Millie's problems. Not too long after the initial meeting, things spiral downward faster than you can say "gaslight".
I have a soft spot for erotic thrillers. I think mainly because they were seen as "forbidden fruit" when I was younger. It's not like my parents were exactly puritanical with what I was allowed to see, but they didn't expose me to things they considered to be "raunchy" or otherwise salacious. As I got older, I found a lot of these films on cable, streaming or video stores.
A lot of them are kinda goofy, really. Body of Evidence, Whispers in the Dark, Consenting Adults, Guilty as Sin; all pretty silly. But when they're good, they can be very good. Basic Instinct comes to mind, Body Double, Wild Things are all well-done twisty thrillers. The Housemaid occupies the space between the silly and the actually good erotic thrillers. It has silly moments, but it takes itself way too seriously. And if it wanted to be a serious movie, it probably needed a better lead.
Sydney Sweeney is a beautiful woman. That's very easy to see. However, if she's trying to be a serious actress, I've yet to see her in something that proves that. I've seen clips from Euphoria as well as the films Anyone but You and Immaculate. To me, she has this incredibly flat, bored affectation to her voice that makes it hard to identify with any of the characters she plays.
In The Housemaid, she has a lot of heavy lifting to do. Aside from being the lead, she has a lot of emotions she has to juggle throughout the runtime. Towards the middle of the film, there is this big confrontation between her and Seyfried. Now, if you had someone else in Sweeney's role, this could have been amazing. Imagine if instead of Sweeney, you had someone in there like Anya Taylor-Joy, Melissa Barrera or Jenna Ortega. People that actually, y'know, emote.
Maybe part of the problem is that Sweeney is going against Amanda Seyfried in some of these scenes. Seyfried's career trajectory is an interesting one. She's been able to jump from films like Ted 2 to this past year's The Testament of Ann Lee. She's extremely talented and is able to juggle the tones that are required of a film like this. She's intense and funny in equal measure. If there's any reason to watch this movie, it's her.
The other issue that the film has is pacing and tone. Much of the material in the film is pretty sleazy, but the film is shot with the veneer of a Nancy Myers film. I guess I understand that the outside appearances of people are different from the insides, but we never really see the sleazy underbelly of this world. We hear about it plenty, but visually, it feels like the film wants to appeal to the types of people that have the sign, "I love cooking with wine. Sometimes, I even put it in the food!" above the stove in their kitchen.
This movie definitely doesn't need to be over two hours. Watching it a few nights ago, I paused it. It felt like it had to almost be over. There was over an hour left! Granted, things pick up in the latter half, but it shouldn't take so much to get to that point. A movie like this should be a lot more fun in the first half instead of what it turns out to be: rote repetition.
In the end, if you were to take Kayla and The Housemaid, add them together and divide evenly, you'd get two pretty decently trashy erotic thrillers. Instead, we're left with a couple of shoulder shrugs. The Housemaid isn't going to win any awards, but it's entertaining enough if you get through that first hour. That second hour almost makes up for it. Almost.
I see that, due to the success of the first, the studios have greenlit a sequel to The Housemaid. I'm sure it will have a big budget, big stars, more production value. If there's one thing I can ask of The Movie Gods, I need just one favor.
Please throw $10,000 to the producers of Kayla so they can make their sequel. If there's any good in this world, it'll happen. In your name, I pray.
The Housemaid (2025)
Directed by Paul Feig
Cast: Sydney Sweeney, Amanda Seyfried, Brandon Sklenar, Elizabeth Perkins
Runtime: 131 minutes
MPAA Rating: R (for strong/bloody violent content, sexual assault, sexual content, nudity and language)
Rating (out of ****): **1/2
The Housemaid is currently streaming on all major platforms to rent or to buy.
For those of you interested, Kayla is streaming on Tubi.
And, no. I will not name the vampire "novel". I don't need anyone else suffering through that.
