Write a commentImagine the first couple of paragraphs of this review being read to you with the calm cadence of a Ken Burns' documentary.
The year was 1981. Ronald Reagan was president, disco was dying and Steven Spielberg's "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was topping the box office. Yet, at the other end of the box office spectrum, a new subgenre was taking shape and soon would be taking the world by storm.
Okay. Maybe less Ken Burns and more Casey Kasem.
After the success of 1978's "Halloween" and 1980's "Friday the 13th", up-and-coming filmmakers took note and began churning out slasher movies. Carpenter's "Halloween" was probably the most artful example of the genre, but Sean S. Cunningham's "Friday the 13th" gave most people more hope due to its simplicity. The idea of bringing your friends to the woods to make a film was appealing and the cheap nature of these films was appealing to producers.
In 1981 alone, the following horror films were released:
"Halloween II", "Friday the 13th Part 2", "The Funhouse", "Hell Night", "The Burning", "The Evil Dead", "The Prowler", "Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker", "Bloody Birthday", "Happy Birthday to Me", "Night School", "Eyes of a Stranger", "Deadly Blessing", "Final Exam", "Ghostkeeper", "Graduation Day", "Don't Go In the Woods...Alone!", "Nightmare", "Evilspeak", "The Pit", "Fear No Evil", "Scream", "Bloody Moon", "Madman", "Just Before Dawn" and, last but not least, "My Bloody Valentine".
(Bear in mind, there are ones I'm probably missing and this doesn't include other horror films that came out that year including "An American Werewolf in London" and "The Howling".)
I say the following with no pride whatsoever: That seemingly never-ending list I wrote out above? I've seen each of them. You might ask yourself, "Why?" Or, more specifically, "Why do I keep reading reviews by this schmuck?"
I can't answer the second question. That's one for your own introspection or perhaps professional help. The first question, however, is simple: I don't have a life. Boutique (or "Boo-tique", if you will) physical media companies have gone out of their way to remaster a lot of these films over the last few years. Movies that were once only able to be seen in really terrible transfers from worn out VHS tapes are now completely restored and they look better than ever.
Are all of these movies "lost classics"? Hardly, but some deserve a fair assessment. My first experience with 1981's "My Bloody Valentine" was after I purchased a Paramount double feature DVD of that and "April Fool's Day". "My Bloody Valentine" was a Canadian production. If the locations don't give it away, all the "oots" and "aboots" will. The first few times I attempted to watch it, I fell asleep. It's a pretty slow movie and the pacing is especially an issue if you're attempting to watch it late at night.
On paper, it's an exciting idea. The mayor of a small mining town decides to reinstate the Valentine's Day dance 20 years after a disaster in the mines. In the past, two supervisors left the mine to attend the dance. An explosion happened in the mine, trapping five miners. The sole survivor, Harry Warden, resorted to cannibalism to survive. The following year, Warden took revenge on the two supervisors and ripped their hearts out, placing them in Valentine's candy boxes. Now that the mayor has decided to start the dances again, murders begin happening and people start receiving candy boxes.
We follow the mine workers. There's a love triangle as well as supporting characters. The problem is, most of these people fade into the wallpaper. You don't really care about the characters. For this kind of movie, that works as a benefit to it, for the most part. You don't really need to get emotionally attached to these people because the majority of them are going to be dispatched in a series of creative and cruel ways.
And they definitely do. The thing that sticks out about this film above some of the others is the creativity of the murders. The slasher genre was born out of an Italian subgenre of films called "giallo". Most giallo films were highly stylized with creative kills and an overarching mystery plot. "My Bloody Valentine", while not all that stylish with its camerawork, falls squarely into this category. We don't really know throughout the film if Harry Warden is back or if it's possibly someone else that's killing the townsfolk.
That is certainly a question the film poses, but it doesn't take much time throwing out red herrings. Instead, the revelation towards the end is somewhat hamfisted. The movie isn't really interested in the mystery so much as it is the kills. For the era, this is more than some films of the same ilk offered.
I have a very low bar when it comes to slasher films, especially in the early 80s. Do the kills deliver? Is there palpable atmosphere? Is it competently made? Not every slasher film is going to be Carpenter's "Halloween". In fact, few are. You can't really measure these films by the same metric that you would "The Godfather" or "Citizen Kane". It would be similar to getting upset that your gas station hamburger doesn't taste like a pint of Ben & Jerry's. "My Bloody Valentine", while certainly slow at moments, delivers what the genre promises: cheap thrills.
There are some legitimately creepy moments, some unintentionally funny acting and some truly shocking kills. What more can you ask for? In some regards, it's a classic. Of that list of slashers from 1981, it ranks a little above half. It's something I watch every year around Valentine's Day because it's comfortable like a pair of old boots.
Just don't expect to go sprinting around in them.
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Directed by George Mihalka
Cast: Paul Kelman, Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck
Runtime: 90 minutes
MPAA Rating: R (for strong bloody violence throughout, language and some sexual situations)
Rating (out of ****): ***
"My Bloody Valentine" (1981) is available to rent or buy on all major streaming platforms.
